Finding Ways to Stay Connected to Loved Ones in Grief

When grieving, the question is not how to let go, but how to carry love forward in a way that feels authentic and supportive. Over time, I’ve come to understand that maintaining an internal connection with a loved one is not only natural, but a healthy part of grieving. It can support emotional regulation, meaning-making, and help us feel less alone in our grief.

Continuing bonds can take many forms. Sometimes they show up as internal conversations with someone we love. Other times they appear through dreams, letter writing, a sense of presence, or living according to their values. They may look like preserving memories through storytelling, wearing favorite colors, or cooking a loved one’s favorite meal in their honor. These are ways we stay connected and allow the relationship to change, rather than disappear.

Staying connected can also happen through ritual. We participate in rituals throughout the year, whether we know it or not. Some are daily, like morning routines or neighborhood walks at the end of the workday. Others mark transitions, such as how we close out the week on a Friday, celebrate birthdays, gather for holidays, or honor the changing seasons through something like a solstice ceremony.

In grief, when so much can feel out of our control, rituals can serve as an anchor. They help us assign meaning and offer a sense of agency in how we choose to grieve.

Rituals don’t have to be formal or inherited. They can be small, personal, and created. Especially during grief, ritual can support us in staying connected to ourselves and to those we love.

Throughout time, people have turned to the elements during periods of transition, loss, and remembrance. For example, water has been used for cleansing, renewal, and release. Fire through candles, hearths, and light as a way of remembering and honoring. Earth through flowers, stones, and burial rituals return us to the ground. Air, through breath, song, prayer, or crying, can help us express and move emotion.

In grief, inviting in the elements can be a grounding way to bring us back to our senses and into the present moment.

Simple rituals might include visiting gravesites or other meaningful locations, lighting a candle in a loved one’s honor once a week, on special occasions, or as needed, or creating personal remembrance rituals such as writing letters, building small altars, buying flowers, or keeping meaningful objects nearby.

For those who are newly grieving, this often involves finding initial ways to feel connected again. Sharing stories or engaging in creative expression can offer a language for grief when words feel limited. For those with older losses, the process may involve reconnecting with or reshaping the spiritual or internal relationship.

In both cases, inviting our loved ones into our lives in intentional ways can help restore a sense of connection.
As Rumi writes, “Goodbyes are only for those who love with their eyes. Because for those who love with their heart and soul, there is no separation.”

The invitation in grief is learning how to carry that love forward in a way that feels true.

Is there a ritual, practice, or moment of remembrance that feels supportive to you right now?

You can view my profile on the Grief Support Center National Directory, a resource connecting people to grief support professionals nationwide, here:  https://www.griefsupportcenter.com/california/los-angeles/grief-support-provider/cathy-trenary